Review policy
PostApocalypseGirl reviews all books (e, print,
audio, handwritten) on the basis of usefulness and relevance to survival. Books
which contain impractical or false information, deliberate misinformation or
extremist views likely to lead to endangerment can expect to receive one star. PostApocalypseGirl's reviews are impartial and cannot be influenced by donations
of food, medicines or weapons.
4 out of 5 stars to How to stay online (anonymous)
This is a really useful book especially if, like
me, you weren’t really a techie before it all kicked off. The instructions are
fairly easy to understand, and cover key topics like choosing and running a
generator and how to set up a solar panel. There’s even really basic stuff
about using a mobile dongle for any real technological dinosaurs who’ve made it
this far. The brilliant thing about this book is the set of maps showing mobile
signal coverage from UK networks that are still functioning, and from airborne
drone masts supplied by the US military. I’d have given How to stay online five stars except for the heavy-handed pro-US angle
in it. Until we get to the bottom of those persistent rumours that it was a
mess-up with US military biotechnology that caused this whole thing in the
first place, I’m not really going for the swooning gratitude bit.
3 out of 5 stars to Fortify your home (Princess Warrior)
I had really mixed feelings about this book.
There’s a lot of good information in it (yay for bricklaying! I might not have
tried that if I hadn’t read this). Princess Warrior definitely knows her stuff.
There are a lot of low tech ideas that you could use here, which is great if
you have to conserve power like most of us do. The tripwire idea was absolute
genius and doesn’t need any power to run. I also thought she made some good
points about protecting your house or flat from contamination, and most of the
materials she suggested using are easily scavenged. So far so good, and she’s
probably saved some lives. Where the book fell down for me was Princess’s
priorities. IMO it’s worth running a generator and risking the sound attracting
unwelcome attention to do necessary things like run power tools. It’s
definitely not worth it for a
hairdryer or a ****ing foot spa!! She talks a lot about keeping up morale but
frankly there’s not going to be much morale if you have looters climbing over
the wall or infected people hanging around outside. Also, it’s cute that she
wanted to keep her dog with her, but if it were me I’d have cut the chihuahua
loose and let it take its chances. An unsecured cat flap is asking for trouble
and if the dog goes in and out, who knows what it’s going to bring in on its
coat? So I couldn’t really give this book more than a three star rating.
1 out of 5 stars to ESDS: A Citizen’s Guide (UK government)
I gave this booklet 1 star for trying. I suppose
they had to send something out to make it look as though they were still in
control, or still cared. Which was a joke after that government minister was
shot trying to get into France on his private yacht! They’d all get out if they
could. Probably some did, so if any of them were infected, God help the rest of
the world.
Anyway, the Citizen’s
Guide is pretty up itself. It never refers to "The Crumblies" – always
calls the epidemic ESDS (Explosive
Spore Dispersal Syndrome), as though giving it a scientific name makes it
easier to deal with.
And then there’s the section about what to do if a
family member is infected. "If you hear an explosion, thump or crash from the
individual’s room, DO NOT open the door. You risk infection from the dispersed
spores. Instead, seal the door with duct tape or similar." Probably okay
advice, although a lot of people would find that hard to do if it was their
family member inside. I guess the writer realised it sounded a bit cold blooded
because then it says, "You may wish to hold a prayer vigil or a short
service of remembrance according to your beliefs." Actual LOLZ (and not in a
good way).
0 out of 5 stars to The Herbal Cure (Witchie)
Do NOT read this book. The Herbal Cure made me so angry, if I could give it a minus star
rating I would. From beginning to end it is complete rubbish, and dangerous
rubbish, because if anyone relies on Witchie’s completely ****ed up ideas they
are pretty much 100% guaranteed to wind up dead. OK, let me spell it out. ESDS
(The Crumblies) cannot be cured by herbs taken in any combination, by essential
oils, flower extracts or any kind of exclusion diet. If you want to know how to
maximise your chances of not getting it, read Explosive Spore Dispersal Syndrome – a study by Dr. Asha Patel,
which I reviewed last year on this blog. If you can follow the scientific
lingo, you’ll understand that the only way not to die of ESDS is not to get
infected in the first place. If you have
been infected, the Herbal Cure is not going
to help you. If someone you care about has been infected and you hang around to
try treating them with herbs and flowers, you are going to die too. End of.You might choose to do that anyway, but don't do it because you think the Herbal Cure is going to keep you safe. It won't.
I’d tell you to avoid any other books by Witchie that make it into circulation but I guess if he has followed his own advice,
he’s dead by now anyway.
5 out of 5 stars to The Trumpet Shall Sound (Baroque Fan)
I have to admit I didn’t get the title of this
book at first! I thought the book was going to be about music, which TBH is
kind of low down my list of priorities these days because even if you can find
some way of playing it, you don’t know what the sound is gonna attract. But
it’s not about music at all, though apparently Baroque Fan used to be some kind
of classical musician. It’s from a song by a German guy called Handel, that
goes The trumpet shall sound and the dead
shall be raised (that’s one thing that hasn’t happened, thank God).
Anyway I guess he chose that title because the book is about dead people,
either people he knew or people he’d heard about. That sounds like a total
downer but actually it’s just the opposite. It’s a collection of accounts of
people who did really heroic things, like the guy who stayed with his kid even
though she was infected and he knew he’d die too. There was a doctor at a
hospital in Oxford who tried to treat people who were infected and caught it
herself, and then recorded all the symptoms up until the end in case it would
help future researchers. Loads of stories like that. And then at the end there
is this bit where Baroque Fan explains that he chose that title because he
didn’t want these people to be forgotten, he wanted the dead to be remembered,
and in that way their memory would go on living. I have to admit I cried when I
read that, but not because I was sad. Reading the book, it felt good to be
human.
1 out of 5 stars to The Crumblies: a cover up (anonymous)
I guess this book is going to appeal to people who
are desperate to know how ESDS started – well, I guess we all want to know, but
it’s kind of water under the bridge now. This is basically a summary of every
theory going. It got one star instead of no stars because the
biotech-gone-wrong theory was pretty well argued. There’s an interesting point
too about ESDS only affecting primates. You have to wonder about that.
Bioengineering? Maybe.
Personally I wouldn’t have given any time or
attention to the theories about God punishing this or that section of the
population. ESDS doesn’t care who your ancestors were or who you sleep with or
pray to. I think that’s been conclusively proven.
However, my real objection to this book is the
long descriptions of what happens to you if you get the disease. Most of us
have seen that already and we’d like to forget it. We don’t need to read about people
puffing up and eventually – well, you know the rest. One star, anonymous, for
grossing us all out again.
5 out of 5 stars to Plague Years Diary (NewDefoe)
I really love this book. NewDefoe and his
girlfriend found the most brilliant place ever to hide out while ESDS was
burning through the country: an abandoned church on an island in the middle of
a Scottish lake. They discouraged other visitors by holing the other boats on
the lake, and then set about making the island as self sufficient as possible. It’s
astonishing how ingenious they were! There are some very funny stories in the
book (*spoiler alert*), like NewDefoe’s encounter with an angry swan, but also
some really moving stuff, like the birth of their baby daughter on the island,
without any medical help. It’s pretty amazing to think that their little girl
may be the first person to be born in post-ESDS Britain (glad it wasn’t me
giving birth on the island though...). The most hilarious bit was the scene
where NewDefoe breaks into the ticket kiosk (the church belongs to some
historic buildings organisation) and finds ten crates of soft drinks. It’s kind
of like that old film Whisky Galore
only with Irn Bru.
Apparently PYD
has become so popular that a publisher in the States has made a print book out
of it. It’s supposed to be a best seller over there. If the UK gets out of
quarantine I’d love to get a print copy one day because I love love love this
book!
5 out of 5 stars to EVACUATION! (United Nations)
It’s got the ugliest cover I’ve ever seen
(fluorescent orange, anyone?!) but OMG this is the one we’ve all been waiting
for!! If you see a copy of this fluttering down anywhere near you, PICK IT UP.
If you don’t see one, there’s an online version. Just read it NOW!
*Spoiler alert!* (LOL) Someone’s developed a test for ESDS so infection can be picked up
at the very earliest stages, even before the person knows they’ve got it.
Surviving members of the UK population are going to be tested, so look out for
the guys in hazmat suits! There’s still no cure, but anyone’s who’s clean is
going to be airlifted out! Personally I’m hoping for a resettlement station
somewhere warm – if I never go through another British winter without heating
it’ll be too soon.
Make sure you read the whole booklet and follow
all the instructions. Most personal belongings can’t be taken with you, so
upload all your records and photos to cyberspace. Don’t leave surviving pets
confined. And good luck!
This was PostApocalypseGirl's last review. I’m
certified ESDS-free and shipping out tomorrow! :-) Thanks
for reading my blog, and big thanks to the many people who commented. Knowing that the
reviews have helped other people has given me a reason to keep going this long,
even when things seemed hopeless. I guess it just goes to show, no matter how
bad things are, books can make it a little bit better.
Signing off,
PostApocalypseGirl x